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Wednesday, November 23, 2011


Every few weeks or so I'll have a reoccurring dream where I'm cleaning out a murky fish bowl or tank, full of half-alive fish.  I take out any dead fish, clean the whole aquarium out, fill the tank back up with fresh water, and nurse the half-alive fish back to health, so-to-speak.  In the process of giving the fish fresh water and food I think I even pet a few and tell them it's all good and their gonna be just fine.  I wake up feeling satisfied that I helped all those little guys out and at the same time I definitely feel like my subconscious is trying to tell me something.  So I decided to Google search some fish dream interpretations and was a little surprised to read what they had to say:

"To see an aquarium in your dream indicates that you are aware of certain feelings that you possess but haven't been able to deal with. This may include needs, wants, and fantasies related to sex.  Alternately, it may imply that you are at a stagnant point in your life and are confused as to which path to follow.  It may also suggest that you are overly stressed and need to slow down, take a deep breath, and try to focus." (this one made the most sense)

"To see or clean a fish tank in your dream indicates how you have full control of your emotions. You keep your feelings in check. If you are watching the fish in the fish tank, then you may feel that your life is going nowhere or that you are going in circles with your life."

"To see fish swimming in your dream signifies insights from your unconscious mind. Thus to catch a fish represents insights which have been brought to the surface. Alternatively, a fish swimming in your dream may symbolize conception. Some women dream of swimming fish when they get pregnant. The fish is also an ancient symbol of Christianity and Christian beliefs. Consider the common phrases "like a cold fish", "fish out of water" or something that is "fishy" about a situation. It may also imply a slippery or elusive situation. Perhaps your dream could be telling you that "there are plenty of other fish in the sea", with regards to some relationship issue."

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Ghost of my heart...

This felt good to create....Sometimes words can never describe how you're truly feeling inside.

Monday, November 21, 2011

I've been working on a new series of what I imagine as "love strings" or soul ties that one might still have connected to a former or current lover.  I found this really cool picture of a carte-de-visite portrait of a young girl standing by a balustrade holding a hat. Photographed by "Merrick" at Joseph Langridge's photographic studio, 33 Western Road, Brighton (c1864).  I added transparent jelly fish tentacles to portray what I envision as these elusive heart strings.... this is a concept photo that will help me in my drawings that are soon to come.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

H e a l i n g

I decided to get some spiritual insight of my father who passed a decade ago and to also figure out how cut any strings that are making me still attached to an ex.  Wow, I am so glad I did, I woke up yesterday feeling like a million bucks, like a whole new beginning encompassed a fresh perspective on my life.

I always pass Vision Quest Metaphysical Bookstore on Scottsdale road to a fro work and always wondered about stopping inside to get a "reading".  Lately I've been a little depressed about a lack of peace from a few people in my life and was feeling like I needed to get some clarity on everything and help heal any lingering pain.   I've been thinking I needed to do a little more work on my part to really mend myself and get some inner peace.
I was a few minutes early for my appointment, and noticed a blonde lady with a warm demeanor similar to Paula D (the Southern TV chef) sitting at a little table towards the back of the building. Carolyn the Clairvoyant welcomed me to have seat.  I noticed a lot of little rocks of many different colors in front of me, along with a deck of tarot cards and a small pumpkin jack o'lantern in a snow globe.  She was extremely sweet from the start, she asked about my name and complimented me on the uniqueness of it.  Then explained all the steps of her half an hour session with me.
We first started with Reiki, she put my hands in hers for a few moments and then looked up at me.  She seemed a bit astonished and told me that any positive energy she was giving me was coming right back to her.  She said that I was a "Lightworker", that I am a natural healer, and if I ever thought about doing Reiki that I should definitely do so.  She explained that God is waking up all the Lightworkers at this present time because the planet needs a lot of healing, and that it's important to use our gifts that have been given to us in order to not have any "blocks" in our life.  It started to all make sense to me, why I've been having these dreams about dead or disheveled people coming to me asking me to help them.  I always tell them to "lay down in the light" and they immediately turn to light themselves, smile and then disappear.
Carolyn then read my aura.  She told me the first color that she saw was a white light surrounding me, meaning that my spirit was of pure light.  Then she said she saw gold meaning that I'm emerging into my spiritual gifts and fruition.  The last color that she saw was green, meaning that I have a tremendous amount love for nature and that I'm going to be very prosperous, that I will never have to worry about not having enough money.  Haha well that was a bit of a relief to hear I thought.
She then said she wanted to balance out my chakras and had me hold two different rocks, one in front of my belly and another in front of my heart.  She explained if all your 7 chakras are in alignment you will be able to see your path clearer in front of you and you'll know where you're going.  She said to eat berries, nuts and decaffeinated tea and told me that it was really important to walk barefoot on the ground because that brings about continuous grounding for your entire being.

I told her I had a soul tie with someone that I'd like to break, that it was making me very depressed because all I want is peace with him and to just be friends.  Carolyn then told me how to break a soul tie, she told me about the visualization technique and walked me through it.  You first start out by imagining that person in front of you with strings connected to each other's hearts.  Then you say everything you want to say to that person and then visualize cutting the strings that bind you.  Wish them well by saying "God bless you" or "peace be with you" and then see yourself turning around and walking away from them.  I did this exercise the night before last, and as I said, I woke up feeling refreshed and like new yesterday--so I think it really did work!
She then had me shuffle the cards, and then explained what they said. What she told me was exactly what I needed to hear, I couldn't believe how everything was so right on. Once you loose a parent or a close friend, sometimes seeking spiritual advice is the only thing that can give you some true solace.  Sure you feel extremely vulnerable and awkward sharing yourself in this manner, but the reward of braving yourself to do so is totally worth it.  It was as if the universe talked to me for a few moments and shared with me everything going on within and around me.  I would share more of what they had to say but it's probably better that I keep the information to myself, I figured if what Carolyn said was right, I would see it unfold in the future.

Our time was up, but she continued to want work with me.  I asked about my dad, if he was anywhere near.  She pulled out a few cards and said that all my spiritual gifts came from him. That he will visit me in my dreams in the next three months (which he has already done in the past).  That he loves me very very much (a given).  She also shared that he has never really left me and that he is one of my spiritual guides and is always looking out for me.  That was all very comforting, but I kind of had a feeling of all that already, regardless it was nice to be told these things.

Carolyn ended by writing the words "I am" on her business card.  She said that when people meditate by saying "Om" that it means God, but so does the phrase "I am".  So she said to meditate on whatever I wanted to be and say "I am" in the beginning of it, if you add "now" at the end of the phrase it makes it more immediate.  I definitely believe in positive affirmations, I think they can really strengthen your spirit.
I am so glad I went to visit Carolyn, the overall experience was amazing and really helped me in so many ways.  I recommend her if you feel like you could use some guidance and some inner peace.  As I said, after our visit, the night before last, I woke up yesterday feeling totally renewed.  I will definitely go back to see her in the future.  In the meantime, I'll be looking into practicing some Reiki and speaking some positive "I ams".  Looking forward to some awesome new beginnings!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

l o v e

I'm not afraid to express it. To carry it on my shoulders.

When leaving this plane, I know that I've done everything I could in order to attempt to make peace in every situation where I might have caused pain or discomfort.  I am a peacemaker, that's who I am.