Why I Want to Start Writing

I want to challenge myself again but this time as a professional writer. I realize I have a lot to say and express. This sudden self-revelation came to me during a recent submission to be a writer for a local magazine and there's an interesting story of how it all occurred.  I was telling my girlfriend Veronica that I was in the process of looking for a job since graduating this past December and was working on conjuring up a satisfying plan for myself. Strangely, later that night she emailed me a newspaper clipping of a wanted ad for a club editor.  She said someone handed the cutout to her husband Phillip earlier that day at work--mind you, a guy that has never talked to him in all the years they've worked together.  He urged Phillip to give it to one of his friends because it would be a total dream job.  Luckily, Phillip thought of me when Veronica explained she wanted to help locate a career for me.  Once I saw the job description I concurred that it would be the best job for me to transition into from cosmetic management.  Also, to my surprise, I had many positive affirmations from every single person I spoke to about my application--everyone seemed to agree that I would be perfect for the position!

After some serious thought, I questioned if I could actually write for a living and enjoy it full-time, using the tools I have acquired from school in a creative yet structured way.  I then thought about all the teachers who trained me to write, the ones who encouraged and also criticized.  A pain-staking, life-consuming 17 + years of training to be exact. Almost 2 decades of technical writing with grammar execution and development of "voice" with expression of deep thought. In my last full-time semester at the Hugh Downs School of Interpersonal Communications at ASU, I spent hours upon hours writing 20-50 page reports on multiple subjects for several classes in order to finish my Bachelor's of Arts degree.  It consumed my entire life while also working a full-time job in the meantime.

So I ask myself why I would put myself through any kind of forced writing ever again?

I feel this time will be different, this time I can actually be heard and get paid for the process.  There's a good chance I may not have the qualifications, clout, and expertise for this position, but thinking about the possibility has definitely inspired me to start building a writing portfolio.  All I can do is try and work on moving ahead, focusing on carving a desired life path for myself.

"It is the function of art to renew our perception. What we are familiar with we cease to see. The writer shakes up the familiar scene, and, as if by magic, we see a new meaning in it."
Anais Nin

Read more:http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/writer.html#ixzz1NLjCUQGt

Tonight's Dream

Wow...Where do I begin?  A dream has no beginning or end.

I never remember my dreams, not in their entirety like this usually.  Not where I'm compelled to sit down and write about it on facebook or a blog for that matter!  Wow, so where do I begin?

In the first part of the dream I was busy being chased by mall security and crazy government agents for a long time for some reason--that part is already starting to fade now since it's 5am and I had the start of the dream about 5 hours ago.  Somewhere along the line while on the run I was in a train, the type of train where you can pass from car to car.  I noticed as I peered into the next car ahead I could see hands fogging up the glass door.  I was somewhat frightened because I automatically felt the people in the car ahead were in distress, many of them.  I explained to the people that I was with that I didn't really want to travel any further.  Suddenly, a person from the crowd ahead came over to me in a panic!  He automatically scared me because his face looked as if it was rotting from the beginning stages of radiation poison. He said he had been hiding along with all those other people for about a day but that he knew where his car was and where "they" were hiding all the keys.  I am confused about this part but feel that it has relation to the beginning of my dream.  Anyway, more of these people/zombies started approaching me...they were full of anxiety and pain, lost, and without hope.

Somehow, I was able to see a passage of light, literally and figuratively amongst the situation I was in.  We didn't seem to be moving at this point at all.  I remember wanting to just walk up to the sunlight because I knew it would be comforting to me... I then began to feel very brave at that point.  I had a feeling that all these people who felt half alive and half dead would also feel some ease if they just felt a little of this light as well.  The first person that I asked to walk with me was the guy that originally walked up to me in a panic.  I asked him to simply lay down in the sunlight, thankfully he trusted every word I said.  His badly disfigured body then began to fade into thin air as he soaked in all the light.  I was talking to him and told him everything would be okay in the process, that he would be fine.  At this point I began to feel a sense of joy and even more confidence.  I told him I loved him just as his lips were the last thing to go, fading as he mouthed the words that he loved me back.  An older lady then approached me who was a little nervous but I assured her that she too had nothing to worry about.  I had her lay down into the sunlight as well and she began to quickly fade in the same way.  She then appeared to me right after but as a totally brand new version of herself, this time glowing and with a huge smile.  She showed me that she could morph her face anyway that she wanted but chose the one that she was most use to.  She then gave me a quick vision that had a great impact for me to see on a personal level.  She shared, in images, that I was her little Native American warrior.  She drew out a cartoon version of me as a girl, a simple white lined drawing with a tall feather sticking up out the back of my head and two tiny fangs sticking out of my mouth.  I thought it was endearing that she saw me as her new found hero and thought so highly of me;  I felt blessed by her gratitude.

I continued the desire to want to help others and then immediately noticed two babies that were sitting side by side.  They were definitely the scariest out of all the souls that I was dealing with.  They seemed even younger than toddlers but were talking as if they had been around for many years. I was able to pick them both up with my hands at the same time because they were so lightweight due to hardly having any flesh on their bones.  As they both laid in my palms they began to feel uncomfortable about the situation ahead.  Part of them wanted to go back into the shadows where they were most comfortable (just like everyone else) and were excessively whining about coming with me.  I assured them they would be better off even though I continued to feel them shuffling around and kicking as I was handing them over to the light.  Then, they too began to fade as soon as I sat them in the light, transforming into beautifully bright apparitions that smiled back at me.  I believe this continued to happen a few more times with other souls as the dream went on and until I woke up, but the most I memorable part of this dream was the middle, where everything I just shared took place.
Upon waking from this dream, I can't help but realize the amazing metaphors and visual analogies discovered within what I just experienced.  Some would probably equate what I endured as a nightmare, but as I see it, through it all there was so much beauty and love that transitioned anything dark into light towards the end.
I'm looking forward to experiencing the actual real sunlight once it begins to emerge in the next hour or so...

This dream reminded me of a quote that I fell in love with along time ago that goes something like this: "Love is the beauty that smashes the darkness..."

I still can't believe I am up this hour.

"Saving Tania's Privates"

I first met Tania Katan about two months ago on set for her September Java magazine article. I was scouted to model for the project and was informed it would help promote Tania’s upcoming performance, “Saving Tania’s Privates” which shares her personal life struggles of battling breast cancer. Based on the topic of the assignment, I was more than willing to help advertise her show with any skills I could provide. I posed along with a group of darling girls that I had never met before. We were all dressed as sexy nurses and positioned above Tania as she lay on a stretcher with two large vegan cupcakes taking the place of her breasts. The photo team asked me to “play” the lead nurse in the photo shoot due to previous modeling experience. So, with an intense gaze into the camera, I held an oversized, cartoon-like syringe into Tania’s simulated cupcake breasts.

On Friday October, 8^th I finally got to see “Saving Tania’s Privates”. After the performance I felt as though I wanted to share how Tania’s life story impacted me. First off, I have to say that Tania is so incredibly brave; everything she went through struck a deep cord within me. I felt as if I lived every experience along with her as she shared her powerful life events with the audience. Tania is an excellent performer and extremely talented. As a performer myself, I paid close attention to the details of how Tania conducted her facial expressions and the ways she communicated the dynamics of her voice. Her tone of voice was loud during some dramatic scenes and softer during others but always maintained clarity. Tania’s body movements helped express her story even further and really made use of the intimate space within the theater. I learned a lot about her performance abilities by observing her confidence on the stage floor and how she interacted with the audience surrounding her.

I am honestly so proud of Tania Katan for being able to share her struggles of enduring breast cancer on two separate occasions at such a young age. I was impressed with how Tania controlled the emotions of her audience as well. There were so many moments in which I felt as though I wanted to cry for her because I sympathized with everything she had to go through. But just as I was gathering a huge lump in my throat and water in my eyes she quickly threw on a humorous face along with some silly sarcasm to make me laugh. Tania also gave an amusing twist throughout her performance by making some excellent impressions of her friends and family members. Each character had a unique voice and body movement which helped suspend each person separately from one another. It was fascinating observing how each character expressed their emotions during the many trials in which Tania faced and how she portrayed herself simultaneously along with them. The fact that she could jump from sad to happy moments and the ways in which she switched personalities of family members, to girlfriends and then back to herself is where she truly excelled in her presentation. Tania kept me fully engaged in her production about her life’s events and left me with an immense feeling of inspiration. I gained motivation for action by learning about Tania’s incredible narrative of self perseverance and found insight as a performer by watching her many talents as an artist.

It is hard to ever imagine being confronted with cancer, death, severed body parts, and chemo therapy. But the fact that Tania had to continually battle these things on an incessant basis throughout her life makes her very courageous in my eyes. She shared how she loved being alive and that she was good at it! Being the champion runner that she is, you could truly see and hear this as being true based upon her joyful spirit! She has been blessed with so much strength and support from so many loved ones around her, and as a result she was able to get through it all! I am honored and grateful to have had the opportunity to meet and work with Tania Katan and will forever remember her incredible story.

Shower Thoughts:


"Don't act wise, be."



"Unconditional love is made to be tested."

D. Frank Designs Furniture Fashion Show - Intro

I was the first to come out of the elevator for this furniture fashion show and wow was I totally nervous waiting behind the doors just before! It sounded like hundreds of people just on the other side! There was no practice run--was just told to "look sexy" on designer furniture. I turned around and saw all my girlfriends smiling at me as they sat on their fancy furniture waiting for me to take my turn. Suddenly the elevator bell rang and the doors opened! Something came over me and my anxiety switched into a wild rush of excitement! I felt like I had my very own stage for a few brief moments and was free to get a little crazy! I wanted to entertain the audience but only had a few seconds to come up with something fun. Thank god that champagne we were drinking backstage finally kicked in! And okay, I admit it... it was pretty fun being swung around in a luggage carrier by two cute bellhops! When I jumped off the chair I saw the flashing lights of many camera men waiting for me to come closer, so I just tried to have fun with it and dance it up a bit! Funny thing is towards the end I was wishing I could have stayed out there a little longer and danced more! Whoever was filming this missed the part of me bouncing on the chair as I was exited bouncing up and down!!! Natalia came out next and then the rest of the Scandalesque girls followed. Wish I had more footage of the other girls and my second performance...can I even call it a performance? I hired Andy Hartmark to film the entire show with professional cams, not sure what ever happened--maybe one of these days we'll see the full version :)

D Frank Furniture Designs, Fashion by Desiato, MUA: Sina Urias,
@Scottsdale Museum of Contemporary Arts (SMOCA)